- Do respect others : This is the first and foremost thing to do. Always respect the other person. Respect their emotions, work, and feelings. Never ever try to hurt them. Try to comfort them and give them the warmth they need. Do not ignore them.
- Do not police : Policing the other person in a relationship can hurt the tie up big time. show the trust and faith on the other person. Trying to break their emails, trying to peep into their Facebook or spying on their schedules will not help. If you are not happy, discuss and break up. But, if you are married and having children, never ever try the option of breaking up. It doesn’t help.
- Do Cooperate : Relationships are all about understanding and cooperation. Always try to do those little things for others and in turn they will do the things for you. Thinking that, every time others should work for you will not take the relationship anywhere. After all others are not slaves.
- Do not let I am ok you are not ok attitude : This is important for a long lasting relationship. Both are equal in a relationship. Thinking that one is always right and others are always wrong cannot take it any where.
- Do listen : Be a good listener for a successful relationship. Even though, you know that, what others are speaking is rubbish, first let them finish what they are saying. It always gives others the confidence that, they can come back to you in crisis. Once, they finish, try to put your point straight.
- Do not poke into the past : This is a big mistake most of us do. In a relationship, we always try to insult or belittle the others by poking into the past or poking at their past. Never ever do this. We all made mistakes and so does they.
- Do show your confidence to others : Even the situation is heated, try to show that confidence to others that you are actually trying to sort out the things, than trying to complicate. Let the guilt remain with them, but not with you.
- Do not slip words : Abuses / slip of tongue will only complicate the issue. Try to stop the conversation, even it looks abrupt. Walk off from the scene or disconnect the phone (if argument is taking place on your phone). Just allow the situation to settle down. Give it some time. Because, people remember what you have spoken for a long time.
- Humble yourself : Instead of doing a fault finding with others, humble yourself. Accepting other’s view point temporarily will not reduce your respect even a single bit. Be accountable. Do not feel shy about being accountable. It pays.
- Do not panic : Panicking and behaving violently will only worsen the situation. Keeping quite always helps. Other’s would realize your greatness at a later point of time and you will gain the upper hand automatically. Never ever, hurt others. Remember, people may forgive but they don’t forget.
- Finally do not think about divorce : If nothing works, then divorce should be the last last last option. Many a time, most of the relationship problems are egoistic and can be sorted out with simple discussions. Allow your parents to intervene or your friends to come in or do the maximum to stand on the relationship. Do not choose for the easy option. Every individual is different and they have different feelings and emotions. Coexistence is the beauty of any relationship. Do not spoil the beauty. Lowering your self will only add value. Does not decline.
Often times, people ask me (specially in Africa) what is so special in Indian marriages and how and why they stick? Is there any magic wand or an invisible whip which keeps the wife and husband away from divorces ? What keeps two unknown people (most of the times until they get married) together for a life time? What happens if they don’t like each other after the marriage?
The following are some clarifications.
1. Marriage is neither a contract nor a memorandum of understanding : For Us, most of the Indians, marriage is neither a contract which enforces its terms and agreements, nor a memorandum of understanding with a force majeure and termination clauses. For us, it is a relationship. Its a godly arrangement for people to live together until the death. Man is treated as God and Woman is treated as nature in most of the Hindu Epics. So, marriage is a relationship between nature and God. Nothing less than that. There is a hell lot of literature available on how to keep a marriage clean and how to treat it and we all are told about it in our teen age.
2. Marriage is a social system : Most of the times marriage is celebrated like a festival. Lot of Euphoria built around the a marriage. Marriage brings lots of relatives together. An environment is built around the marriage such that, the relationship gain a huge respect around it. Lot of Orientation is being given to both bride and bridegroom about the marriage. There is lot of mental preparation given before the marriage to stay together. There is a whole lot of post marriage mechanisms available to sort out post marriage conflicts. Parents and Elders from both the sides try their maximum to rescue a marriage before it collapses. Even the judicial system gives lot of respect to the marriage and in rare cases, before granting a divorce, courts also ask the couple to stay together for at-least one year to sort of any in-differences.
3. Marriage is a not a liability : For most of us, marriage is not a liability but its a responsibility. It brings such an awareness that, the boy starts feeling like a man and the girls starts feeling like an woman. It is not a burden but it surely brings maturity. Most of the play boys and naughty girls with marriage gain mental maturity. The euphoria instills such a discipline among the couple.
4. Marriage create curiosity : Yes, most of us do not know each other often times until they get married. But, there is still a lot of curiosity left to know and understand each other. In dating (often times goes from one year to three years), most of the couples know each other very well before the marriage, so I feel there is not much left to know about each other which brings a kind of boredom among the both may be after 3/4 years so, they feel there is nothing left in it. But, the advantage of starting to know each other after the marriage is that, there is a lot to know about each other after the event and by the time they start actual living together it would take almost 6/7 years. During the mean time, a lot would happen such that, you don’t want to leave others quickly. Even in India dating happens but mostly in the Page 3 world. Post marital life is an evolution but not an event.
5. Children are not a burden but mutual responsibility : Again, Indian marriage system never treats children as a burden but they become the bonding factor among the couple. Immediately after the first born, many a time, couple tend to put aside the in-differences (if i say they are not there, i am lying) to up-bring the children. It is such a wonderful experience.
6. Finally, marriage is not for sex : It has to be understood very well that, most of us never treat marriage as a legal licence for sex. It is way beyond mere sexual pleasure or joy. Parenthood is the utmost important life stage in every single individual as per Hindu traditions. So sex is treated as the way to attain that level than just a mere physical satisfaction.
There are so many other elements in a marriage, which keeps it going for a life time. Marriage is built such a way that, it meets every stage of Maslow’s need hierarchy theory (thousands of years before even it was proposed). But I feel, the above explains thoroughly.
Expression of Gratitude towards all we have is one of the most powerful way of conveying our regard to the almighty. We normally complain about so many things and do not appreciate what we have. We are able to eat, cloth and live in a house which could be the best of the fortunes that we can get. The people who love us are around us. What else we are complaining about. There are so many disadvantaged who do not have proper food to eat. Think about them and see how fortunate we are.
Let us always express our gratitude for all those who has helped us to reach to this stage. Let us not complain.
You can never imagine how much this particular quote has impacted my life. More and more I think about this quote, more and more amazing its making me to feel. Simple living infact increases the respect about us in others. It makes us live as role models in the society. Infact, i started practicing this quote in my life for the last 4 years. This quote applies in all walks of life. To stay simple we don’t have to do bigger things. Domestic cleaning by ourselves, Car wash by our own, buying very simple mobile phones, Wearing a dignified enough dress (not an expensive one), staying away from Liquor, Not showing off, wearing simple accessories etc are part of simple living which are with in the reach of every one. I religiously follow all the above so I feel i am good enough to propagate such a theory. In fact simple living enhances the satisfaction and provides a sense of security. Most of us believe that, living expensive raises our stature in the society, but please think. Majority of the people try to live a blast of a life, but how many of us are actually staying simple? Buying a Land rover with a hefty loan cannot provide a worry free sleep. Yes money can do most of the things, but not every thing.