- Do respect others : This is the first and foremost thing to do. Always respect the other person. Respect their emotions, work, and feelings. Never ever try to hurt them. Try to comfort them and give them the warmth they need. Do not ignore them.
- Do not police : Policing the other person in a relationship can hurt the tie up big time. show the trust and faith on the other person. Trying to break their emails, trying to peep into their Facebook or spying on their schedules will not help. If you are not happy, discuss and break up. But, if you are married and having children, never ever try the option of breaking up. It doesn’t help.
- Do Cooperate : Relationships are all about understanding and cooperation. Always try to do those little things for others and in turn they will do the things for you. Thinking that, every time others should work for you will not take the relationship anywhere. After all others are not slaves.
- Do not let I am ok you are not ok attitude : This is important for a long lasting relationship. Both are equal in a relationship. Thinking that one is always right and others are always wrong cannot take it any where.
- Do listen : Be a good listener for a successful relationship. Even though, you know that, what others are speaking is rubbish, first let them finish what they are saying. It always gives others the confidence that, they can come back to you in crisis. Once, they finish, try to put your point straight.
- Do not poke into the past : This is a big mistake most of us do. In a relationship, we always try to insult or belittle the others by poking into the past or poking at their past. Never ever do this. We all made mistakes and so does they.
- Do show your confidence to others : Even the situation is heated, try to show that confidence to others that you are actually trying to sort out the things, than trying to complicate. Let the guilt remain with them, but not with you.
- Do not slip words : Abuses / slip of tongue will only complicate the issue. Try to stop the conversation, even it looks abrupt. Walk off from the scene or disconnect the phone (if argument is taking place on your phone). Just allow the situation to settle down. Give it some time. Because, people remember what you have spoken for a long time.
- Humble yourself : Instead of doing a fault finding with others, humble yourself. Accepting other’s view point temporarily will not reduce your respect even a single bit. Be accountable. Do not feel shy about being accountable. It pays.
- Do not panic : Panicking and behaving violently will only worsen the situation. Keeping quite always helps. Other’s would realize your greatness at a later point of time and you will gain the upper hand automatically. Never ever, hurt others. Remember, people may forgive but they don’t forget.
- Finally do not think about divorce : If nothing works, then divorce should be the last last last option. Many a time, most of the relationship problems are egoistic and can be sorted out with simple discussions. Allow your parents to intervene or your friends to come in or do the maximum to stand on the relationship. Do not choose for the easy option. Every individual is different and they have different feelings and emotions. Coexistence is the beauty of any relationship. Do not spoil the beauty. Lowering your self will only add value. Does not decline.
Often times, people ask me (specially in Africa) what is so special in Indian marriages and how and why they stick? Is there any magic wand or an invisible whip which keeps the wife and husband away from divorces ? What keeps two unknown people (most of the times until they get married) together for a life time? What happens if they don’t like each other after the marriage?
The following are some clarifications.
1. Marriage is neither a contract nor a memorandum of understanding : For Us, most of the Indians, marriage is neither a contract which enforces its terms and agreements, nor a memorandum of understanding with a force majeure and termination clauses. For us, it is a relationship. Its a godly arrangement for people to live together until the death. Man is treated as God and Woman is treated as nature in most of the Hindu Epics. So, marriage is a relationship between nature and God. Nothing less than that. There is a hell lot of literature available on how to keep a marriage clean and how to treat it and we all are told about it in our teen age.
2. Marriage is a social system : Most of the times marriage is celebrated like a festival. Lot of Euphoria built around the a marriage. Marriage brings lots of relatives together. An environment is built around the marriage such that, the relationship gain a huge respect around it. Lot of Orientation is being given to both bride and bridegroom about the marriage. There is lot of mental preparation given before the marriage to stay together. There is a whole lot of post marriage mechanisms available to sort out post marriage conflicts. Parents and Elders from both the sides try their maximum to rescue a marriage before it collapses. Even the judicial system gives lot of respect to the marriage and in rare cases, before granting a divorce, courts also ask the couple to stay together for at-least one year to sort of any in-differences.
3. Marriage is a not a liability : For most of us, marriage is not a liability but its a responsibility. It brings such an awareness that, the boy starts feeling like a man and the girls starts feeling like an woman. It is not a burden but it surely brings maturity. Most of the play boys and naughty girls with marriage gain mental maturity. The euphoria instills such a discipline among the couple.
4. Marriage create curiosity : Yes, most of us do not know each other often times until they get married. But, there is still a lot of curiosity left to know and understand each other. In dating (often times goes from one year to three years), most of the couples know each other very well before the marriage, so I feel there is not much left to know about each other which brings a kind of boredom among the both may be after 3/4 years so, they feel there is nothing left in it. But, the advantage of starting to know each other after the marriage is that, there is a lot to know about each other after the event and by the time they start actual living together it would take almost 6/7 years. During the mean time, a lot would happen such that, you don’t want to leave others quickly. Even in India dating happens but mostly in the Page 3 world. Post marital life is an evolution but not an event.
5. Children are not a burden but mutual responsibility : Again, Indian marriage system never treats children as a burden but they become the bonding factor among the couple. Immediately after the first born, many a time, couple tend to put aside the in-differences (if i say they are not there, i am lying) to up-bring the children. It is such a wonderful experience.
6. Finally, marriage is not for sex : It has to be understood very well that, most of us never treat marriage as a legal licence for sex. It is way beyond mere sexual pleasure or joy. Parenthood is the utmost important life stage in every single individual as per Hindu traditions. So sex is treated as the way to attain that level than just a mere physical satisfaction.
There are so many other elements in a marriage, which keeps it going for a life time. Marriage is built such a way that, it meets every stage of Maslow’s need hierarchy theory (thousands of years before even it was proposed). But I feel, the above explains thoroughly.
These are my top listed 10 items for why relationships die.
1. Greed : For a relationship to survive and sustain, it is important that, both the persons in the relationship (M to M, M to F or F to F) should not have any selfish motto / vested interest. Many a time, it is this Greed which would kill the beauty in any relationship.
2. Lust : Lust will only take an affair to bed, but may not built a relationship. Relationships are beyond lust. If you cannot forget Lust, forget about getting into a relationship forever.
3. Miscommunications : Miscommunications can spoil any relationships. Some times people mess – up with communications. They would have a lot of affection in the heart but they do not know how to communicate the same. They end up on the losing side.
4. Ego : As indicated in the above picture, Ego (which brings arrogance) can kill any relationship. People often follow the approach of “I am ok – you are not ok” in the relationship and it completely destroys any bondage between the people. People should be prepared to humble themselves and see the role of others in a relationship.
5. Ignorance : People often don’t see the contributions of others in the relationship. They think, they are doing a favor to others by being in the relationship. Relationship is not a favor, it is the mutual support. If it is treated as favor, thats the end of it.
6. Over Enthusiasm : Some people very early in a relationship, tend to show over enthusiasm. This can go completely wrong. Showing genuine Enthusiasm is ok, but if you start plowing about the background of the other person, trying to know about his / her Ex, why they broke up, whose fault was that etc etc., can lead to a frustration for both.
7. Expectations : Expectations in a relationship are perfectly fine. If both wife and husband are working, they would expect some kind of cooperation from others may be in the kitchen, going to the bank, etc etc., But, if it leads to over expectation from others, and turns into a kind of harassment, it’s only a matter of time that the relationship wrecks into pieces.
8. Domination : In a relationship both are equal. If your Attitude allows you to be a domineer, the other person start seeing him / herself belittled in the relationship and starts feeling intimidated by others. Relationship should stand on the foundation of trust and love but not domination and intimidation.
9. Quid – Pro – Quo (some thing for something) : If a relationship is built on Quid Pro Quo basis, it would not last for long. It is not a commercial business deal.
10. Judgement : You are not to judge others in a relationship. Accept the fact that, neither of the parties in the relationship are perfect. As long as you keep on valuing the bondage and respect the imperfections, the relationship stands on a balance. Otherwise, it would create a strong imbalance and lead to one party start feeling left out.
1. Entertainment : Very few games can entertain you like T-20 Cricket does. Lots of drama and excitement. The cat and mouse game between batsmen and bowlers is fun to watch.
2. Excitement : All most all the T-20 matches brings you loads of excitement. Those nail biting finishes cannot make you to sit in the middle of the chair. The twists and turns in a match makes you to sit on the edge of your seat.
3. Stress : It releases lots of stress. You will almost forget everything while watching the game. The kind of awe feeling it gives you cannot be undermined.
4. Leadership : They put a true test on the captains of the both sides. Loads of leadership lessons are there to be learn. Team selection, Team management, Setting up the targets, Chasing the targets, Failures, Successes, Turn around etc etc., Nothing teaches corporates better than a T- 20 match on Leadership issues. It stresses upon the attitude a captain should have and how to handle pressure.
5. Spirit : Most of the times, the games are played with right kind of spirit. If you do not agree, watch Dayle Stain and AB D’s contest. It tells you how to manage your self at bigger platforms.
” The greatest enemy to tomorrow’s success is today’s success” – From a book of John C. Maxwell
John Calvin Maxwell is an evangelical Christian author, speaker, and pastor who has written more than 60 books, primarily focusing on leadership
- Maxwell Wins by Learning; Inspires Hope (t2pneuma.net)
- Put Your Dream to the Test by John Maxwell (from “Motivational and Inspirational Self Help Books”) (sharefaith.wordpress.com)
Earl Nightingale was an American motivational speaker and author, known as the “Dean of Personal Development.” He was the voice in the early 1950s of Sky King, the hero of a radio adventure series, and was a WGN radio show host from 1950 to 1956.
When you win, you will learn something out of the victory and some times when you don’t, it doesn’t mean that, you have lost, you will only learn more out of it. So, not expect to win every time, but be prepared to learn every time.
When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” – Tich Nhat Hanh
Thích Nhất Hạnh is a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist. He lives in the Plum Village Monastery in the Dordogne region in the South of France, travelling internationally to give retreats and talks.
Awesome Quote by an awesome personality
“If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness”. ~Les Brown
We all are very comfortable in the realm of what we do regularly. We use the same road while going to the office, we go to the same restruant when we dine, we run the same distance every day while we jog and we speak to the same subordinate in order to get the things done. That is called Comfort Zone.
We all enjoy unlimited advantages while sitting in our own comfort zone. Why we do this ? Because we are assured and results are predictable. We can almost guess whats coming up next. This gives us a lot of advantage. So we get used to sit in our comfort zone.
But what is the disadvantage of sitting in the comfort zone?
a) Comfort zone never allows to explore your full potential : By sitting in the comfort zone, we almost cannot explore our full potential. We dont realise our stretch points and strengths. We start to defeat our own-selves. Mind starts creating barriers to what we do. Eventually we get stuck where we are and a sort of rust starts forming on our body and mind. As a result, we stop updating ourselves and ultimately are overtaken by others.
b) Our comfort-zone is often out of Action : As illustrated in the above photo, our comfort zone is often out of the action. It keeps us away from the most happening places. Steve Waugh the famous Australian Criketer and one of the fierce competitior has named his bio-graphy “Out of Comfort Zone”. Any one who has observed his illustrious career will understand why he named his book that way.
c) Comfort-zone creates insecurity : In the long run, comfort zone creates a sort of insecurity among our ownselves because, we see all our collegues and competitiors taking o us over comfortably and we remain reduntant. This redundancy creates a great discomfort among us and creates un-necessary stress.
Get out of the comfort zones. Do what you have not done through out your life to get out and enjoy. May be doing a scuba – diving, bungy jumping or even trecking. Go out to the travel, explore the world. Fear is the one which is stopping us to get out of the comfort zone. Try to defeat the fear repeatedly. Take up newer job responsibilites repeatedly to take up the challenges and prove your strength and capabilities. Get out and explore unlimited opportunities. Getting out of the comfort zone will give lot of comfort to the soul. Explore that comfort.
- Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone (dreamingfrompei.wordpress.com)